(Hugh) Now I’m a Minister of Energy
(Emma) And I look after the Treasury
(Vlad) Well I trade oil equities
(Noel) And I sell lots of coal

(Hugh) There’s lots of scope for synergy
(Emma) Though some would say iniquity
(Noel) We lobby him for a subsidy
(Vlad) They know how to cajole!

(Hugh & Emma) When campaign contributions are in very dire need
(Vlad & Noel) We have the funds available just waiting to be freed

(Emma) But what is there to do?
(Vlad) Can you give us a clue?
(Noel) We can’t reward a favour
(Hugh) When it’s seen as bad behaviour

(Emma) Now, but there’s a simple answer – it’s as simple as can be
(All) We can’t be touched if we change places; that’s what sets us free!

E Chorus
(Link arms and dance in circles)
Revolving doors, avoiding bores, who hand us chores and legal wars
Revolving doors can let us function with impunity

Revolving doors, avoiding laws, we love because, the world ignores
Revolving doors – escaping the unwanted scrutiny!

(Change brief cases + hats, etc)

(Noel) I was president of a big country
(Vlad) And we own oil companies

(Noel sits on a sofa. Vlad sits on Noel’s knee)

(Emma) He sits upon his father’s knee
(Hugh) They love declaring war!

(Hugh) On a country we must keep secure
(Emma) Cos it’s got lots and lots of fuel
(Noel) For our fleets of SUVs so cool
(Vlad) That’s what that country’s for.

(Noel) With zero censorship of the NASA science community
(Vlad) We cannot stop their dire warnings there for all to see.

(Noel) So we campaign to confuse
(Vlad) And make sure we don’t lose
(Emma) With ways conspiratorial
(Hugh) They doctored school materials

(Noel) Our method is so simple, it’s as simple as can be
(All) We change our job so we can meddle, that’s what sets us free.

E Chorus Refrain

(Change jackets + hats, etc)

(Hugh) Now I’m a Lord of Her Majesty
And I say that’s what qualifies me
To claim on high authority
That science is a load of bunk

(Emma) Our aim is very clear you see
We only need to guarantee
That climate action policy
Gets well and truly sunk

(Hugh) With lucrative directorships and-my think tank charity
(Emma) His peers and I just make sure there is no transparency

(All) But what is there to do?
(All) Can you give us a clue?
(Hugh) If people think I’m phoney
(Emma) He can always ask a crony

(Hugh) So you see the simple answer – it’s as simple as can be
(All) He delegates the dirty work and that’s what sets him free!

E Chorus Refrain